Silence

Sometimes all I really want is a little silence, the cacophony of noise all around is just too much. The water is silent and it contains peace.

This is another of those over sharing posts. I debate them but I also think sometimes out is better than in.

I find that Holidays are tough, I walk in places and hear a certain type of music and want to walk out. I walk around with earphones in, blowing my ear drums out so as not to hear it. It extinguishes people and their noise too so that’s just an added bonus.

I try to burn off my annoyances by getting to the gym as often as possible. That’s 12 out of last 13 days for anyone curious. It’s off season so there is more land involved, so unfortunately more people and noise. I find myself more irritable and with a shorter fuse than normal. I try to stop it with exercise and other distraction but it doesn’t always work

I sometimes get labeled a grinch over my attitude. I don’t do Christmas any more, well other than the guilt ridden gifts I send to family, I was lucky enough to marry outside the religion I was raised in too, so that’s nice. Not that it necessarily matters, I don’t believe in god and if I am wrong in the words of Stephen Fry at the pearly gate If he is asked about why he should enter heaven his planned response will be “how dare you, how dare you create a world in which there is so much misery, it’s not right”. Plus there is the question of what has religion really got to do with Christmas anymore. But that’s for a face to face conversation

In my life over the years I have tried to Marie Kondo it and remove the people and things that don’t bring me joy. It can be tough and comes with guilt (take the boy out of Catholicism but..) and added my wedding anniversary in to the holiday season as something that does bring me happiness, in the midst of what feels like chaos in the holiday season.

I understand the tendency of people to romanticize the whole Xmas thing, put their childhood Xmas through the rose tinted glasses and remember fondly. I struggle with this, as I have said before my parents were people with many faults, some brain chemical imbalances and they tried but I don’t always look fondly on my childhood. I also forgave that shit a long time ago (in case you are wondering) cause otherwise it will destroy you, but don’t ask me to sit around singing carols and drinking egg nog and when I get asked every year if I am going home for Christmas, let me be real clear, this is my home and being with my wife and dogs is my family and where I want to be.

Anyway so swimming, exercise,my wife and dogs is where I find my joy this time of year. The peace and silence of the water or the monotony of the elliptical while my earphones pound (right now) or the couch with my wife and dogs. The sounds I want to hear and places I want to be. I want you to celebrate your holidays, be happy, be joyful but don’t think everyone has to join you in it and their choices don’t make them the grinch it’s just them dealing with what they deal with

A somewhat adequate swimmer wishing you a happy and swimmy New Years and holiday season

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